


Hero and the Princess with the Split Tail

by calcium_chloride



Category: Patapon (Video Games)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28483074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calcium_chloride/pseuds/calcium_chloride
Summary: Hero, Meden, and Princess Slinky are invited to King Hoya's wedding. It's far away, but the kingdom is brimming with plants, and the castle is the size of a city. It's all coming up roses except for a little phantom problem that's becoming a thorn in the king's side. Can Hero smooth it all out?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Prologue

A party of three rides through the Ekkora oasis in the wee hours before dawn. Frigid winds blow their way, and a cannassault, their leader, shudders beneath his mask. He steadies his shaking hands to keep his companions safe, riding out a clear path between the faint outlines of sleeping beasts.

Sleepless himself, Hero rides at the forefront. Ribbons and tassels dot his ceremonial chariot, and if it once had a meager chance in battle, the heavy decorations made sure that it is quashed. He would’ve wanted something stronger, but Meden insisted that their destination was a wedding, not a death match. The priestess herself stayed up most of the night to keep Hero company, answering his questions about their host with what she knew, which was surprisingly little.

“King Hoya is a descendant of the first Taterazay. His ancestor fought in the first Archfiend war, long before you stopped the Ah-Oohs from getting their revenge.”, Meden explains as she rides in a cushioned cart behind him. She swaddles in her own green cape for warmth.

“You mean that guy painted on the cave wall in the hideout?”, asks Hero. He glances at her quickly and continues his drive through the sands.  
“No, that engraving is old Yarida. It's all that's left of him, to be honest. He was from Pata-pole like us, though. Silver Hoshipon told me there were three uberheroes on our side during the first war.”

Three uberheros? Hero was baffled and a bit envious. Of course, he loves the trifecta to bits, but his imagination lingered. The war would’ve been a _child’s game_. He imagines fighting alongside them, unleashing hell all at once.

“If the kid of the first Taterazay was around, then why didn’t he help u...aAAHH--!”

A frightened cat leaps yowling from a bush. Hero swerves, and almost hits a line of gancheeks sleeping on the trail. Meden clutches onto the edge of the cart, but it tails his movements so gracefully. They ride on smoothly afterwards and Hero is proud with how well he handled that. Meden waits till her heart beat slows down to normal.

“I... honestly don’t know why they took so long to contact us. I heard their family has been battling fumya-witches for generations. Maybe that had something to do with it.”

Hero is about to contemplate this when a loud _KA-TONK_ comes from the carriage that followed the two.

“You, on the front! Have you gone blind?! Are you trying to kill us?! Stay on the road!”, barks the suspiciously-dressed carriage driver, who sounded like someone who should not have been smuggled into a wedding my the whims of a friend. He's a lumpy creature, buried in coats and scarves. His eye is a yellow pinprick of light, barely seen from within the layers of his clothes. A cabby hat tops his person like a disgruntled cherry.

Princes Slinky, who is often very friendly, wails and raps on the side of the carriage wall.

“Will you please keep it quiet out there? I am trying to get my beauty rest.”  
“Shut your gob! You aren’t the one freezing out here in the cold.”, yells the driver  
Slinky pauses and opens her window, her nightcap trails through the wind like a mermaid’s tail. She flutters her eye.  
“Why... poor mister driver! You should have said so earlier. Would you like me to sit on your lap? I suppose I could warm you up from there~♥ ”, she mewls.  
“Shut it! And keep your dang head inside! If you get hit by a branch it’s not going to be my fault.”  
“You're no fun at all! You deserve to stay cold. Pthtththppth!”

She blows him a raspberry, and then a kiss, before she yawns and returns to sleep. The suspiciously-dressed driver merely grunts and focuses on the road, now that he knows that the rider up front is absolutely useless. His hand lingers to rub away where the kiss would have landed.

It had been a long ride and Hero could only stay awake for a little longer, but Hoya’s kingdom, Plantasia, was just on the horizon.


	2. Guest of Honor

The next time Hero wakes up, he is greeted by the most beautiful moforu that he’s ever seen. Her wool clumps together like tiny petals, and she wears a circlet with an engraved lily around one of her horns. Alarmed by the stranger, he doubles back in surprise and topples out off the silken bed covers. Where is he? His bedroom is strange and palatial. It smells like warm hay and sweet wood. Wide-eyed and shaky, he grabs at a window ledge to steady himself, then peers out the window. His bedroom was high above the ground; maybe the 18th floor, or so, of a huge city-like palace. Down below he could make out the tiny bodies of what look to be thousands of tree-pons. The mofuru nearly laughs at his surprise but restrains herself.

“Sir Hero of Pata-Pole, the King wants to see you.”, she bleats sweetly.

Before he could turn, the mofuru grabs his hand and leads him into a labyrinth of halls and lounges outside his room. Every turn of a hallway felt like entering a different world, each decorated with its own set of trees and flowers. It was like marching a thousand meters every couple of steps. She catches him gawking and shoots him a smile that reminded him of Slinky.

“The King likes to collect interesting plants and people.” she says as she winks.

Hero is pushed into the throne room before he knows it. It’s a wide and airy area built like a great circle, a wooden lattice on the floor forms a gigantic patapon-eye sprawling from one end to the other. All around are strange and rare plants no higher than bushes, dotted with fountains and miniature trees.

He turns back and the mofuru quickly ducks into a hidden panel behind him.

“I hope you got to sleep well, despite last night.”, said a voice so warm and disembodied and familiar, Hero nearly mistook it for the Almighty’s own.

“.....King ....Hoya? Where are you?”, Hero asks uncertainly, wondering if he got the king's name right.

Hero looks wildly for the source of the voice. A green shape stirs among the plants, solidifying into the figure of a stately bowmunk. He wears a beetroot-red royal coat and lily-white gloves. It was definitely impolite but Hero couldn’t stop staring. Another uberhero! And from this side of the universe! Why did he never see him before? The more Hero looked the more he saw the little differences between him and his own bowmunk’s mask. King Hoya’s was a little bluer, and would fray into a serrated edge at the tips. Underneath the warmth of the sun, his mask slowly turns into a rosy red, starting with his leafy mustache. The king was a little taller than him, but maybe it was because Hero had always slouched.

“... and I hope you gave some thought to my request.”, the king speaks.

Hero scratches his head in embarrassment. He never learned how to speak so fancily and formally like Meden, or perhaps even Slinky, but he had to answer the king somehow.

“I’m sorry dude, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think we just met today.”

The eyes of the king’s mask widen in shock, then he frowns as if Hero was just playing a cruel prank on him. Finally, he shrugs it off.

“I do not blame you if yesterday was beyond your recall. I heard you rode all the way from Pata-Pole without a wink of sleep, a tremendous feat. You weren’t all there when we first shook hands, Sir Hero, but I’m flattered that you think of me as _‘a real one’_.”

Hero’s heart starts to race as watery memories of Slinky’s teasing face and Meden dying in embarrassment come pouring back into him. He stands like a meek soldier, waiting for Hoya to sentence him to the dungeon for his impertinence, but nothing happens.

“Have you eaten yet? I’d like you to be in possession of your complete self this time.”

“No, I haven’t had breakfast......Your majesty.”

A wondaba and a chigyobi appear from seemingly nowhere, bearing the same circlet that the mogyu wore. They quickly set up a small table, chairs, and a tea set for Hero and the King. They bow low, and duck into nowhere again as quick. Hero can’t remember their faces but the wonda had long golden fur like corn silk, and the chigyobi’s fins trailed like pearly kelp behind her. The King looks at them fondly as they leave and his gaze returns to his guest. Hero takes a cautious nibble at a sugar biscuit. The tea is purple and bitter.

“I’m afraid that the wedding wasn’t the only reason I invited you here. There is something sinister haunting my castle. The servants like to call it a phantom, but I suspect that there is someone real behind it. And I suspect that someone could bring real harm to my wedding and to my guests... As the leader of Plantasia, I wanted to ask for the hero of Pata-pole’s assistance in this matter.”

Hero blinks.

“Huh. You invite complete strangers to your wedding, only to make them scare off some ghost haunting your castle? I don’t mean to be blunt or rude, mister king sir, and I’m not going to turn you down, but why us and why now?”

“Because no one but us, descendants and inheritors of the first trifecta, can end this. And now, more than ever, we are so close to uniting all three houses!”, the king speaks with a passion.

“I don’t know what you mean--”

“Your valour at the second archfiend war precedes you, Hero. Yarida was your first class, wasn’t it? He chose you to defend us from the Ah-Oohs. I felt the moment in my soul.

"Now you see, It was Taterazay’s greatest wish that the trifecta kept united, but that wish was doomed when the first Yarida disappeared into history, leaving no children. Still, here you are, his chosen one.

“He was even a palace guard, a wakapon, like yourself, did you know?”

Hero felt oddly proud that he was able to follow the old Yarida’s footsteps even without knowing it.

“Haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like to work together? The strength of three uberheros as one?”

“Absolutely, dude! No enemy could stop us, we’d be the best of the best!”, Hero nearly yells, his eye a-twinkling.

“Then it’s two of us already on board. If we could just see this week through, I would be wed to the line of Yumiyacha.”

Hero realizes something and spits out his tea and biscuits. He blushes as he wipes his mouth with the embroidered linen.

“King Hoya, sir. You... don’t need to marry me right? I mean you’re pretty handsome and all but we just met.”

The king laughs so heartily, his tea spoon rings against its cup like a bell.

“Oh no, my boy. Just knowing we can count on you is enough. This marriage, _in particular_ , is another can of worms. Family politics. Have you heard of the fumya-witches?

“Just a little. I heard you hated each other’s guts.”

“This wedding is also a way to... make peace with them.”

“Oh! Uh, congratulations? It sounds like this wedding fixes everything, a little like a fairytale.”

“I suppose that’s why they call them fairytale weddings.”, Hoya smiles and takes an indulgent sip of tea.

“I’m on board, your majesty. So... what can you tell me about the phantom?”

“Ah, yes, the phantom! It’s better if you see it for yourself. My _L_ _ilies_ , will you show our hero to the dining hall?

A sweet-smelling kanokko with flowers in her antlers leads Hero out of the room.


	3. Wedding Jitters

A _nekotan_ presses her ear up against the heavily barred doors of her bedroom. Her star earrings hurt a little when they press against her face, but she listens closely nonetheless.

“She’s such a brat! She doesn’t _deserve_ to marry the King. I don’t know know why he doesn’t pick one of us Lilies instead. He plucked us from our own stinky tribes because we were the prettiest, weren’t we?”

“Ssshh!! We’re right outside her door. Careful, the witch might turn you into a beast~”

“Then I will be the loveliest beast, curling up on the king’s lap without a second thought. As an extra, he’d throw her into the dungeon for her insolence!”

Tsch!! The nekotan hisses so loudly that it’s unwittingly heard from the other side of the door. The maidens shriek, stamp away, then laugh as they leave the corridor. She’s left alone, and her split tail whacks the carpet in aggravation.

“It’s pretty precious, working yourself up like that, when you know you could behead them or something in a week.”

Princess Vervain turns to find her attendant lounging on her bed, a yellow megapon snacking on the fruit basket the King left for his bride-to-be.On his wrist is a lily circlet, and on his face is the self-satisfied smile of an attendant who could never get fired. 

“That’s not the point! I don’t want to be married. I hate him so much after all he’s... You just want me to marry him so that you’ll rise through the ranks as my attendant!”

“You are so cruel to me, your highness. Ambition? From a poor, _humble,_ servant like me? Too many bats in that royal belfry of yours, I'm afraid.", he bemoans in mock sadness as he bites on a peach. 

"Some servant you are! Everyone else might hate me, but at least they pretend to take their job seriously. All you do is eat my snacks and watch the Lilies from my balcony like some huge perv... _You_ are the biggest bat in my belfry."

"It has not always been easy, but my job is my pleasure, your highness! Kee hee hee hee!"

"Your laugh is terrible."

Vervain rolls her eye, listening to the Lilies gossip about her is almost better than being with this stuck-up jerk. She braces herself for more abuse, but hopes that the next servants walking by talk about actual news this time. Instead, it’s strange bubbly laughter from a voice she’s never heard before. Vervain peers through the crack of her door.

“Oh, _pooch_! Did you see the pretty little kanokko with Hero? Where do you think they’re headed to? _Gasp!_ Do you think they’re on a date already?!”

“Why do you expect me to know?! Do I look like him? Do you think I have his _fool_ agenda memorized? Actually, stop. Don’t you dare answer that.”

A suspiciously-dressed attendant walks by, but its hard to notice him when the perfect epitome of a princess floats in like a dream beside him. Vervain has never seen the ocean, but she sees her blue dress fold like waves into white ribbon shoals, and she knows she no longer needs to. Her eye is like a dark pearl set in a white oyster. She smiles the smile of someone who is easy to love. And though her attendant shoots her down at every sentence, Vervain could tell that she _is_ loved.

Cynicism quickly takes over the nekotan and she looks for Hoya’s mark, that dreaded circlet. She knows Hoya would collect people like her in a heartbeat. He could never resist expanding his court of flowers. The circlet is nowhere to be found, however. Light as a snowflake, she is free.

Vervain is so taken with the stranger that she hardly noticed how her own attendant has crept up against her, looming against the crack of the door above her. She flinches, and her tail bristles.

“Taka! Why are you--?”

“Shh! _Shh shh shh shh._ ”

He’s so close to her that one wonders if he couldn’t have chosen a more convenient spot to eavesdrop. Flustered, she glances up at him. Usually, she’d berate him for shushing a princess so casually, but when she looks, he is no longer the Taka that's been with her for the past few months. His brow is furrowed and his mouth is drawn into a thin silent line. It feels like his gaze alone could shank you in the dark. This isn't her attendant, but she has seen him wear this face once before. Terrified to be so close to a stranger, she doesn't dare move or look. She retreats to her sense of smell.

For a moment, the world is still and is filled with the scent of daffodils.

“Have you always worn flowery perfume?”, Vervain mumbles, when she can’t bear the silence any longer.

“Do you like it?”, he smiles coyly and glances down at her. Suddenly he’s his old self again, and his familiarity breeds contempt.

“Mmm. ...I hate plants.”

“I thought you would.”, he shrugs and keeps peeping, with one of his large flimsy ears propped against the door.

She slinks out of his impromptu embrace like a cat through a fence, and observes him from the safety of her bed. She reaches for a fruit and finds the best of basket gone. Curse him. Taka watches them for a long time, and she takes a good look at him. She's never seen him this concerned about anything before. He's always seemed to be above everything and loved dangling what he knew just out of arms' reach. _Which is terrible considering he's supposed to be her assistant.  
_

But here he is, transfixed by the lady outside the door. Well... of course he would be. The lady was perfect, she saw for herself. Vervain backs against one of her tall bedposts, as if to hide behind them.

“Your wedding guests are very interesting”, says Taka, after a while.

“Tsch!! Like I’d get the chance to meet them before the wedding.”, she grumbles.

“Hm... Maybe it’s best that you don’t, actually.”, he says as he slips out of her room in one of the panels built for the Lilies.

“Hey wait! What does that mean? Can you stop being so infuriating for once? You tease me so much for eavesdropping, but I wouldn't have to do it if you told me anything, y’know?! ...Hello?”

Her head shoots up and he is gone.


End file.
